Say something about gay babies.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
