Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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