i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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