we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You are a genius and a whore.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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