So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
