We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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