i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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