I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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