Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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