low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
