You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
