I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
