last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
