the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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