I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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