I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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