In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
