And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
