chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've blown a few things in my day
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
