Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
