don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize