I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
