Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize