I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize