Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
