I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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