his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
