in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
