I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think my fart just growled at me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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