I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
