This is not my ceiling
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
