you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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