doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
