Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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