420 ftw
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
