Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize