Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
