I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
