Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
