i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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