I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize