I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
