I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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