If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
