Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
