Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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