I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
