Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
