Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
