My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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