My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
