He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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