I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
