i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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