guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
