wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize