Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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