No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
