cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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