You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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