So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize