he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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