capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This baby is an asshole
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
