HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
