I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
